Toni Dockter: Filosophy with a Fuchsia Flair

The day I wrote my San Francisco Giants’ Parade Blog—about the exuberance and euphoria that covered the Bay Area like a San Francisco fog bank—a different post appeared on ESPN.com.

It was a positive article about Barry Bonds, written by Doug Glanville (a former MLB player for nine years) entitled: A New World Open to Barry Bonds.

My parade blog BLASTED Barry Lamar Bonds—like one of his PED-fueled homers. I called him a BLB—Big Lying Butthole. I didn’t know there was love out there for Bonds because I hadn’t seen any in my neck of the woods.

My original thought was: You cannot be serious! (different sport, still works) and to rip this article to shreds. I thought it was that dopey. However, Doug Glanville appeared as a guest on one of my fave NPR shows last year—“Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me!” He came across an intelligent, funny, and nice guy.

I decided to pass on my snippy commentary.…and move on.

Until today. Denis Leary tweeted a response to #Headlines You Will Never See: “Barry Bonds: My Head is Huge!”

Made me laugh. I took it as a sign—like Posey to Timmy in the 8^th. Had to comment.

Mr. Glanville’s article sucked—like a game-ending double play with three men on base and your team is behind one run. Let me count the ways:

1. Paragraph 3: Mr. Glanville states that Bonds “may be their [meaning the SF Giants] most iconic figure of controversy and tension.”

My gripe with this statement: The term “may be.” HUH? Bonds is WITHOUT a DOUBT the most controversial guy in Giants history. Mr. Glanville: Who comes close? No other player has been more disliked by his teammates than Bonds. No other player possessed the level of the self-centeredness, self-aggrandizement, self-interest, self-promotion, self-infatuation, and self-delusion as Bonds. He may have peers in the cheating department (the partaking of illegal substances)—but others didn’t lie about it while under oath to a grand jury.

More: “Bonds was visibly supportive of his former team. He came out to cheers before Game 3 of the NLCS …and showed that he does still have some love in SF, despite the cloud over his…career.”

My gripe: He appeared at that game because he was part of the Giants 2002 Team (that won the pennant) and they were collectively being honored that night. People cheered the whole team. I’m sure people cheered Bonds because he is NO LONGER ON THE TEAM! And maybe some cheered because he’s off the juice as evidenced by his smaller body size.

As far as that “cloud” thing goes: Try a GALAXY of Bud Selig’s wrath and the iron bat of Baseball Justice (not to mention the Feds) ready to smack the crap out of Barry Bonds.

Translation: Bonds will NEVER make it to Cooperstown.

2. Paragraph #5: The comparison Mr. Glanville makes—Muhammad Ali to Barry Bonds—is ludicrous and makes no sense.

“In breaking one of the near-impossible records, he had no ambassadorship to develop, no time to provide perspective, no opportunity to heal through his accomplishment.”

WTH does that mean, Mr. Glanville? I guess you skipped English classes at Penn?

More wonky stuff:

“When Muhammad Ali became king of his sport, he traveled, he broke down doors. He also had many on the world stage welcoming him even amidst his controversies. And his controversies carried tremendous weight, involving religion, war, politics and race. But he moved people.”

First of all, Ali’s “controversies” were about a man defending his principles. He is a man with amazing character—possessing integrity, honesty, authenticity, and generosity (just to name a few superlatives). Bonds is a man defending his right to cheat and lie.

You CANNOT compare Ali to Bonds. Ali never tarnished his sport. Bonds made a mockery of his. Ali is a legend. Bonds is a chump. Ali was supremely confident. Bonds was supremely arrogant.

Ali did indeed “move” people. That’s because he inspires them. People respect him. They admire him. They adore him. Can’t say the same for Bonds.

3. Paragraph #6: About Riddick Bowe. Irrelevant.

4. Paragraph #7: “Endless talents, coming from a baseball family, record-breaking abilities, a brilliant mind for all things Major League Baseball.”

UGH! “Endless talents” and “record-breaking abilities”came from chemical enhancements. “…baseball family:” irrelevant. “a brilliant mind…” HUH? Since when? If Bonds is so dang smart about baseball, how come he never figured out that being a nice guy as opposed to a belligerent egomaniac is a better way to have lifelong fans? What is so smart about dissing your teammates and having contempt for your team’s management and owners?

Most important: If Barry Bonds had a brilliant mind, does it make sense that he DIDN’T know what was in “the cream” or “the clear?”

More: The part about “the wounds of his father’s frustrations were still tangible and bleeding…” Oh boo hoo hoo. A tad melodramatic, dontcha think? Are we supposed to forgive Bond’s lack of a moral compass because he didn’t like the way his father was treated in the big leagues. Again: irrelevant.

More: The line about Bonds not having “catchy rhymes or a consistent message and approach to provide…other than to dip and dive.” Gobbledygook.

5. Paragraph #8 continues the above thought: “That is what can happen when you don’t think about what something means beyond the numbers before you surpass it. You end up seeing it only through your personal lens. Then you have to make up the rules as you go, spend time on the short-sighted initiatives like clearing your name, instead of seeing the golden opportunity to connect with people and fans…” PITIFUL. How about this rule: Honesty is the best policy.

6. Paragraph #9: “But there is no rule as to how you are supposed to embrace the game and its history. We all come from somewhere and have our perspectives.” HUH? Who are you talking about? The players? There certainly is a rule about embracing the game of baseball and its history: Don’t EFF UP America’s pastime.

7. Paragraph #11 – “Few have captured the minds, opinions and emotions of so many fans during his tenure as did Barry Bonds.” Bonds squandered fan loyalty and turned it into OVERWHELMING NEGATIVE OPINIONS!

8. The last paragraph is particularly galling: “Bonds still has an opportunity…He just has to step beyond the small space of his personal batter’s box.”

NO, he doesn’t have an opportunity until he comes clean. And he has way more area to step away from than a batter’s box.

Here’s a course of action: He needs a severe ego reduction, a hubris-ectomy, a personality transplant, and a transfusion of honor, humbleness, and kindness. No one wants Barry Bonds around baseball. Don’t you get it, Mr. Glanville? How many Barry Bonds jerseys did you see in at AT&T that night? Average folks like me (and Denis Leary, too) think Bonds is a Big Lying Butthole. He disgusts us. He sold the Soul of Baseball for his own gain.

GEEZ, Mr. Glanville, could you be any more of an apologist for the man WHO STOLE the HOMERUN KING title from a decent man.Is Hank Aaron just supposed to grin and bear it?

Bonds used drugs to achieve what he did. Then he lied about it UNDER OATH and allowed his buddy to do prison time to cover up the scandal. Why aren’t any of these character traits mentioned in your article? Do they sound like something Ali would do? (Would Ali sell out his childhood friend for his own advantage?) Where do these activities fit into your scheme of acceptable behaviors?Aren’t you on the BOD of Athletes Against Drugs? Does Bonds get a free pass?

NONE of Bond’s achievements mean anything because they (and he) are not truthful. How do you separate the honest ones from the dishonest ones? Bond’s asterisks are a splotch on Baseball’s Record Books. He has FUBARed Baseball.

 

He can’t admit it. And neither can you.

 

Bonds has a lot of explaining to do before forgiveness. He has a lot of apologizing to do to so many. And he has to mean it.

In the meantime, he has plenty of bogus records. But no redemption. That’s no “cloud.” That’s reality. And that’s a shame.