(The World According to Hugh MacLeod Series: Part 1- 3/20/10; this is Part 2; Part 3 coming soon.)
"Getting a lot of people to hate you is easy--all you have to do is become really successful at doing what you love."
I got a kick out this cartoon. So true. Here’s what Mr. MacLeod said about his drawing:
“Success is a funny thing. We believe that all of our old friends will rejoice in our hard work and good fortune. We believe that our success will earn us the respect and love of our family…What we eventually realize is that lots of people, especially ‘old friends’ are deeply committed to ensuring that we do not rise above their status in life…”
Gee, that’s depressing. But using my life as an example, again, I have to agree.
But I have a slight variation on this theme. I don’t think you even have to be successful doing what you love that rubs people the wrong way. Just doing what you love—when they’re not doing what they love OR don’t even know what they love—is enough to engender disdain and resentment.
Boy, what does that say about human nature? Nothing to aspire to. This kind of thinking is the opposite of the social phenomena known as schadenfreude: The satisfaction/pleasure/enjoyment felt at someone else’s misfortune or troubles.
The Germans invented the word schadenfreude. It’s derived from two parts:
Schaden meaning damage. Freude meaning joy.
When someone can’t stand it when someone else is happy or successful, this is a different reaction: The dissatisfaction, unhappiness, or miserableness felt at someone else’s good fortune.
To describe the opposite of schadenfreude, I’ve invented a new word: unzufriedenfreude (pronounced: oonce-zoo-free-den-froi-duh). (That’s really fun to say with a heavy German accent.) This new word translates as dissatisfied/displeased/unhappy at another’s joy.
As I’ve trudged along on my writing quest, I’ve experienced plenty of unzufriedenfreude in my life (most especially by my family). Apparently so have many others.
It’s so prevalent in the UK, Ireland (oh no, not my peeps!), Australia, New Zealand, and Canada that it has a name. It’s called “Tall Poppy Syndrome.” This happens when people gain success and they’re criticized or belittled because “their talents or achievements elevate them above or distinguish them from their peers.” (Wikipedia) The term comes from the garden, as some poppies will grow taller than others, and some people feel it is necessary “to cut people down to size.” YUK.
Likewise, in the Scandinavian countries, they have a syndrome called “The Jante Law.” Again, the goal is equality among the ranks, so when someone achieves success and has the audacity to distinguish themselves from the group, it causes hostility.
Luckily in America we admire successful people. We value success. Most of us hope to achieve it. But I guess it’s the happiness part that gets people’s goat! Thus proving the old adage: Misery loves company, so please don’t be happy in front of me.
The next time someone is joyous because they achieved a goal or won the lottery AND it makes you unhappy, you can say, “Oh my gosh I’m having an attack of unzufriedenfreude!”
Or better yet, realize that money doesn’t equal happiness. Or that in the Universe there is no finite number to the number of goals that can be reached. OR since you didn’t throw a snit fit with the lottery news, maybe this person will buy you one of Oprah’s skirts!
This is so true hun. Its like people want to see you fail or something. Its crazy.