Toni Dockter: Filosophy with a Fuchsia Flair

If you had the number one rated show on television for the previous four years, what would be your game plan for the upcoming season?

Personally, I would poll the American public about what they liked best and what they liked least about the show and then implement THEIR wishes. But for the most part, I would leave well enough alone.

That is the complete opposite strategy employed by The Powers That Be at American Idol last season (Season 8). They violated the “totally makes sense” rule: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

All I can say is: What do you expect from three Brits and a Frog, especially of the boneheaded manipulative greedy kind. The Brits are Simon Fuller (creator and exec producer), Ken Warwick (exec producer) and Bruce Gowers (director). The Frog is Cécile Frot-Coutaz (exec producer).

[Note: Why are the French called Frogs? I had always thought it was because of their over-active and non-discerning sexuality, which resulted in their proclivity to “hop” from bed to bed. But recently my Dad told me that in WWII, the soldiers called the French Frogs because they hid themselves well—as opposed to actually fighting the enemy—like a camouflaged frog in a swamp. Either way, it’s derogatory. I wonder if Cécile changed her name from Frog to Frot? She probably drinks Veuve Clicqout and loves it!]

Back to the AI folks. I’ve got a few words for this illustrious quartet: Revolutionary War (where we kicked the British out of America); and WWII (where we saved the French from gloom and doom as they were too busy cooperating—or hiding.) I have NO DOUBTS if America went to war over its favorite TV show who would be victorious.

After last season and all the inane decisions TPTB made, it almost came to that for many fans.

One of the stupidest decisions by AI Unintelligentsia was the addition of a fourth judge.

And it’s this particular fourth person that has me blogging yet again about a TV Show I swear I am not going to watch anymore!

Judge 4 added nothing to the show’s value. Her personality was flat. Her ego was not. Her mannerisms (like slapping the table in excitement) were weird. Her chemistry with the other three judges was zilch. Her critiquing comments were unoriginal and uninspired. Her pop culture references and song history comments were incorrect. She wasted time talking when the audience could have been listening to more singing instead.

J4 had the music industry credentials to be a judge. She had the looks to be telegenic. But what you look like on paper and how you act on television is an entirely different element. Her presence was less than zero as she subtracted from the previously entertaining dynamic at the judges’ table. J4 was plain ol’ not likeable.

And lastly, as a songwriter associated with this show, J4 proved inept. She co-wrote the song that the AI winner sings on the final show (and the winner and runner-up records for a radio single). It was by far the worst coronation song in AI history—sophomoric cliché-ridden non-melodic non-singable tripe. Even Adam Lambert with his extraordinary set of pipes couldn’t do much with this “song.”

Consequently, when I read an interview of J4 in yesterday’s edition of Billboard Magazine and she made this comment about her inaugural appearance on AI, I was incredulous.

J4 said:

“I look back on last year and I see bad hair and the wrong accessories. I was moving as fast as anyone could move and learning as I went. You know, ‘Maybe I’ll try a ponytail this week?’ Oh, no. ‘Maybe I’ll tease it up like Peg Bundy?’ Uh, that doesn’t look good.”

J4: You are beyond idiotic. You are on America’s #1 TV show—about singing, music careers, and young Americans’ dreams—and your comment about your contribution is in regard to your stupid hair? That was the ONLY problem you think you had? Are you frapping kidding me? How about the loss of 3 million viewers. What (or who??) do you think caused that? Are you so clueless you have rendered yourself oblivious to the universe? I think even a mushroom has a clue about what it’s doing in life. But not you.

Worry about that hair, honey. And don’t forget your earrings. That’s what’s really important on American Idol.

Sheesh….