presents the
Outlandia Gazette
T.G. Buckley-Dockter – Founder; Publisher; Editor-in-Chief; Distribution Manager; Intrepid Reporter; IT Guy; Coffee Girl
MOTTO: Presenting our Truth with a capital 'T.' Whether it is pretty or not.
All editorial All social commentary All for the common good
Issue Number 18 January 2019
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It’s a new year. A good time for out with the old and in with the new. Like bungling politicians–locally and nationally. A good time to take stock of yourself; your life; your world. How’s it going for you? Wish it were different? A good time to make changes and demand changes. A good time to let your voice be heard.
In 2019 we won’t be changing our purpose: telling the Truth. We won’t be changing our method: social and political satire. But we will be changing our name–to Outlandia Gazette. A small change but a better reflection of our new journalistic spirit: Write about anything that affects Americans no matter who they are or how they live. We’re all in this together. All our situations/stories/lives are important.
In 2019 we will tackle such behemoth topics as:
How to eradicate antiquated (and pernicious) ideas about gender; diversity; sexuality; equality; race.
How to navigate the legal system.
How to avoid getting ripped off in the business world.
How to maintain sanity in a chaotic world.
And one of our favorite topics (about our favorite peeps):
How to be a better, more motivated, more productive, less nutty Writer. #WriteOn.
A tall order. We think we’re up to it. Kinda like ‘life-changing magic of tidying up’ for society. Better to try to “repair the grievous fracturing of the modern world”* than stare at a digital screen for most of your waking hours.
“All of us are in the gutter. But some of us are looking at the stars.”
– the inimitable Oscar Wilde
*That phrase is a quote from a book review of Fatal Discord: Erasmus, Luther, and the Fight for the Western Mind, by Michael Massing (2018). Desiderius Erasmus and Martin Luther were reformists and vitriolic rivals in the sixteenth century–each having a differing viewpoint of humanism vs evangelicalism–leading to “bloody sectarian turmoil.”
So here were are, 500 years later, society is still engaged in a fight of differing viewpoints–again with dire consequences. Are we at the tipping point or can we right the course?
That’s our goal this year at the Gazette–address crucial issues–shine a light on them–and perhaps effect change. Kinda like ‘life-changing magic of tidying up’ for the American way of life.
We also plan to do this in a way not to depress readers or bore them to death. You’re invited to join us on this crusade!
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First up, our review of a new reality TV show premiering on KRAP-TV this month: “America’s Slimiest Lawyer.” It’s the latest creation from the producers of “Swampiest Humanoid Swamp Creatures” and “How to Steal Money from Your Employer, Old People, and Relatives & Avoid Prison (mostly).”
The show is hosted by Bobby Bandersnatch, a D-list actor, last screen credit was the role of an auto mechanic in an episode of “My Mother the Car.” Bandersnatch asks a pair of ‘lawyers’ questions about the way they practice law. A studio audience votes on the sleaze factor of each answer. Whoever gets the most points wins the game.
According to the press release, lawyers scheduled to appear are Rudy Guiliani vs Better Call Saul Goodman; My Cousin Vinnie vs Tony Soprano (who technically isn’t a lawyer but someone who takes the law into his own hands so therefore he is just like a lawyer); and Lawyers from the House vs Lawyers from the Senate.
The first episode we watched pitted attorneys Michael Cohen against Grendel Pinwall. A sample question: Describe one of your proudest moments.
Pinwall: “Locking the door to my office and hiding behind the window blinds so I can’t be served with papers. Then calling the police to report an armed robbery in progress. Then billing a client for the disturbance.”
Cohen: “Making Don Jr.’s slicked-back hair stand on end; Jared cry like a little girl; and Ivanka smack Jared over the head with her Birkin bag. Then billing my client for babysitting.”
This episode was actually funny–in a disgusting sort of way. Made you pray that you never have to hire a lawyer for any reason. Our review is currently being vetted by our legal department. As soon as we’re cleared of any litigious content, we’ll publish it.
Stay tuned!
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