T.G. Buckley-Dockter – Founder; Publisher; Editor-in-Chief; Distribution Manager; Intrepid Reporter; IT Guy; Coffee Girl
email: fwepub@aol.com
MOTTO: When telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
All editorial All social commentary All for the common good
Issue Number 25 – November 2019
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Turkeys are an intelligent, compassionate, and proud species. To live better lives they organize into groups with specific duties that benefit all. They take care of their peeps at all times. Like a quality City Hall should do for its citizens. But sometimes a turkey goes rogue and spoils the idyllic community. Instead of doing what’s best for the greater good, they organize around self-serving, not smart, power-hungry, money-spending ideals. What’s a flock to do?
Call the Turkey Busters! They root out the foul fowl and expose their errant ways in an annual report: “Turkeys Who Give Being a Turkey a Bad Name.” It is then up to the community to take appropriate action against these flagrant fiends in order to preserve their way of life. In 2019 Turkey Busters identified a cabal in Ashland, Oregon’s city government. Here are the rogues in the Rogue Valley:
John Stromberg – Ashland Mayor
The Prince Charles of the Ashland Royal Family: City Hall. Too arrogant. Too authoritarian. Too entitled. Too out of touch. Doesn’t know it.
David H. Lohman – City Attorney
Never met a lawsuit he didn’t botch–including in the Court of Public Opinion. Over-paid, overbearing, over-indulgent waste of tax payer money.
Rich Rosenthal – City Councilperson
Most consistently boneheaded voting record in history of Ashland, Oregon. Which is also the same thing as “The Darkest Days in Ashland’s History.”
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Steve Jensen – City Councilperson
The Devin Nunes of Ashland politics. Puffed-up patriarchal politician whose election was orchestrated by similar puffed-up patriarchal politicians.
Mike Gardiner – Parks & Recreation Commissioner
A turkey butt by any other name is ______ — well, Mike Gardiner! And a twitchy one at that while under oath.
Michael Black – Parks and Recreation Director
Plays chess with the turkeys in Lithia Park and loses. Poor decision-making skills result of a bird brain also evidenced by his comment regarding chopping down two healthy and vital Douglas Fir trees in the Japanese Garden: “Sometimes you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette.”
Paula Brown – Public Works Department
Sucking up those big paychecks while commanding projects that suck and subordinates who are ordered to suck it up and not giving a suck about the general welfare of Ashlanders. (Note from Publisher: And yeah, that’s personal to us–the citizenry.)
Tina Gray – Human Resources Department
If gray is the color of crud, she wears it well.
Rachel Dials – Parks and Recreation Department
Full of herself and bloated on untrue testimony. Time to pull a Sondland?
Tonya Graham – City Councilperson
The Susan Collins of Ashland, Oregon. Not productive; not progressive; not helping. One term please!
Kelly Madding – City Manager
“I drank the Kool-Aid! I drank the Kool-Aid. I’m one of them now! Aagghh!!”
Isleen Glatt – Senior Center Manager
Cutting programs, staff, and a caring environment while increasing costs to operate the “new direction” and “new blood” of the diminished version of Ashland’s Senior Center. Replacing beautiful, hand-made quilt decorations on the wall with expensive paintings for patrons to purchase because hey, we all buy our fine art at a Senior Center!
Sheriff Elmer Sickler
Expressing the will of the people? As nothing says “Ashland, Oregon – International City of Peace”–complete with a peace flame and a multitude of peaceniks–better than a bigger jail; more jailers; and more guns?
Steven Saslow – Non-Rogue Valley resident & Publisher of Ashland Tidings
Practitioner of truthiness and bolding excerpts to bias the reading experience. Roomies with Sinclair Broadcasting. Endorsed U.S. Representative Greg Walden, Giuliani pal and Trump toadie.
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That’s quite a barrage of feathered phonies! Thanks Turkey Busters for keeping us informed. Now what to do?
Don’t fret, friends! Here’s Andy Axe, average Ashland citizen, presenting his “Makes Sense Agenda.”
1. Chop the size of City Hall. Ashland is not NYC.
2. Chop the salaries. Ashland’s City Hall is not a Silicon Valley cash cow.
3. Chop the Lamborghini-plan way-too-expensive health care benefits to employees. Does Pope Francis get such a luxurious plan?
4. Chop the constant increase of fees/taxes/rate hikes that unscrupulous politicians shove down its citizens’ throats, thus choking their livelihood.
5. Chop the idiotic and costly decision making. Ashland’s sustainability depends on it.
6. Chop the mean-spirited mindset of City Hall–including illegal firings/politically-motivated firings/stupid firings/attempted firings. A culture of fear is not productive.
7. Chop the lack of concern for the less fortunate. Ashland is not an invitation-only town.
8. Chop the culture of lying; culture of obfuscating; culture of government-first; culture of self-centered thinking; culture of acquiescence to monied special interests; culture of ugly behavior. This makes Ashland ugly.
9. Chop out unethical and fiscally/legally incompetent politicians and non-public-serving public servants. Power comes to the People through the vote.
10. Be a good steward of this fine town. Because a bunch of bad turkeys should not spoil for the rest of us the great place Ashland is to live.
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Note from the Publisher:
In our humble opinion: constructive ideas and much to consider as much is at stake. To average citizens: It’s up to us to take action. Then we will be able to lift a glass and toast to better days ahead.
Cheers!
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