Toni Buckley-Dockter – Founder; Publisher; Editor-in-Chief; Distribution Manager; Intrepid Reporter; IT Guy; Coffee Girl
email: fwepub@aol.com
MOTTO: When telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
All editorial All social commentary All for the common good
Issue Number 30 – May 2020
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[Part 2 in a 4-part educational series on electoral politics.]
Here we go again, boys and girls, learning a valuable lesson about the extraordinary lengths that has-been-but-wanna-still-be political operatives will go to manipulate and obfuscate a situation to feed their ravenous megalomania.
To this end, the motive is what?
A power grab?
An addiction to seeing their names in print?
Desperate for relevance?
Trying to drum up business?
Looking to raise low self-esteem levels?
I’ll leave that speculation to Drs. Freud, Phil, and Falchi.
But where I draw the line, kids, is the method. And in this case: Bludgeoning the English language for nefarious and/or any personal gain.
This treatise will address how this dastardly deed was done in the article in The Tidings (May 3, 2020) entitled “Keep Ashland exceptional: Vote no on Measure 15-189,” by Cathy Shaw.
A NO vote means the current city hall power structure would stay the same. Meaning someone like John Stromberg and his good-ol-boys club would be allowed to continue to drive the economic sustainability of Ashland into the ground, flatter than hammered shit on an outhouse.
But first, little known facts about Catherine Shaw:
1. She’s a graduate of the Kelly Anne Conway School of Alternate Facts & How to Suck Up to Men to Get Ahead in Life. (Jackie Bachman, Tonya Graham, and Rachel Dials also applied but were rejected: plenty of snark but not enough cojones to go the distance.) At the school Shaw won a prize for her essay: “How to turn a principality into a monarchy with me as the Queen Bee.”
2. She was expelled by the Socratic School of Rhetoric–not because she can’t argue–but because when she showed off her nakedness (like she did in the documentary The Same River Twice), Socrates tossed her out the door saying, “Egads, woman, not interested in what you’re selling!” (That response went on to become one of Socrates most quoted lines throughout history.)
3. She won the McConnell/Barr/Pompeo/Kavanaugh/Pence/Pres. Twitter Twit Forked Tongue Trophy three years in a row. In a tight race, Sarah Huckabee Sanders dethroned her.
4. She was the inspiration for Lewis Carroll’s Jabberwocky poem:
“Beware the Jabberwock, my son,
The the jaws that bite, the claws that catch…”
5. She was dumped by her client Attila the Hun who said her tactics for invasion, pillaging, and devastation were too harsh for him.
Wowser–quite the stellar resume!
In Shaw’s latest article, like the Shaw/Buckley blurb in the Voters’ Pamphlet, there is something stupid in every paragraph. To protect you, dear readers, from having your heads explode due to the sheer volume of her inanity, I will cherry pick the most egregious statements.
Paragraph 1:
“Have you ever wondered what makes Ashland so special?”
Did Ashland win a “I’m So Special” Contest? If so, I didn’t hear about it.
How many entries were there? Two? One?
Who were the judges? Mr. Rogers? Hades from the Underground? Or the big fellow Hades hires to stand guard at the Gates of Hell?
What were the parameters of special-ness Ashland was judged on?
An exceptional amount of BuBu’s with an exceptional amount of self-interest?
The number of citizens working two jobs to make ends meet?
The number of citizens who wish they had two jobs to make ends meet?
The lack of a balanced budget and size of the budget deficit?
The non-existence of a Rainy Day fund?
The amount of the exorbitant salaries and overly generous health care benefits?
How quickly the town switches City Administrators?
How many times the city gets sued per year?
How many times the city attorney makes a legal error in judgment?
How many times city hall employees and elected officials (giving depositions during the above-mentioned lawsuits) lied (like the woman chomping on gum while under oath) or twisted the truth (like the sinister-looking guy who grabbed his crotch!)?
How many times a mayor and former mayor tweak the truth to bamboozle the Ashland electorate?
How firmly entrenched the good-ol-white-boys old-thinking patriarchal power structure is?
The number of times a Goon Squad taped utility delinquency notices to the front door of Ashland residents?
How many bookstores were run out of town?
How many Oregon Shakespeare Festival plays were staged showing women being sexually assaulted and then disembowled and dismembered and having their legless and armless torsos stomped on by the horrific male predators. (Timon of Athens, 2016)
How many businesses fail? And the amount of compassion/interest/problem-solving skills displayed by an acting city administrator who said, “We expect small businesses to not come back. We will start anew.” (I’m paraphrasing.)
How the city prioritizes a beautification of City Hall for the cost of $8.2 million but yet can’t provide the time, energy, or resources to plan, design, and implement a city-wide wildfire evacuation route?
The number of times a political gadfly gets to sashay around City Hall “consulting” with the BuBu’s–while muttering under her breath: “I may not be the Queen of Ashland. But by God I am the King Maker!”
More head-exploding nonsense from Paragraph 1:
“Ashland is the most successful city of its size in Oregon, and there’s a reason: It is because of robust citizen participation and community engagement.”
Again, says who? How was this determination made? What are the stats that prove this statement? What percentage of the population are robust participators? What is the state average per city of robust participators? What is the source of this information?
I don’t think there is a source. I think this statement is just pure unadulterated Shaw Shit.
Paragraph 2 (second of the stupidest of the 11 paragraphs):
“Or, to put it another way, it is because citizens are able to participate.”
THIS MAKES NO SENSE. Where does Shaw think the rest of Oregonians live? Pyongyang? Siberia? Wuhan? The Tiger King compound?
Any citizen in any town/hamlet/village/city can engage in a community if they so choose. You think there is a law against it? You think you have to pass a test? You think you have to pay a membership fee?
Another giant pile of poo. Readers beware. Be careful where you tread. Or you could end up with a Shaw Shit shank.
Paragraph 6:
Uses the word “robust” again–the third time in two articles. Please buy a thesaurus.
Paragraph 7:
About her tenure as Mayor, Shaw states: “Rumors of low morale in both departments were rampant.”
No decision should EVER be made based on rumors. That’s crappy leadership. Get the facts, lady. Or was that too much trouble back then? Too difficult to implement management by walking around? Shaw’s insipid sentence about rumors validates the absolute need to get rid of the ‘Mayor at the top of the totem pole’ hierarchy.
And lastly, the number one most ludicrous comment in Shaw’s article–
Paragraph 10:
“Advocates of the charter change have one argument: ‘Do this because it’s done elsewhere.'”
What advocates? Who are these people? How many are there? What are their names? Where did they say this? At a AAA meeting (Ashland Association of Advocates)? How was Shaw present to hear them say this? Did she infiltrate this group to spy on them?
I’m an advocate for the change. So are my friends in Ashland. We have NEVER once uttered this stupid sentence. Plus we have several non-stupid arguments for the change–one of them being hopefully it will cut down on the number of out-of-touch former politicians skulking around City Hall.
Where did Shaw obtain the data to make this statement about advocates? She didn’t.
Say it with me, folks: Just another pile of Shaw Shit.
Please don’t allow Shaw to stink up City Hall any more than she already has. Hope you have learned to recognize shit when you see it. Ashland will be the better for it.
And don’t forget to vote, sign, and mail in your ballot!
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