Toni Buckley Dockter – Founder; Publisher; Editor-in-Chief; Distribution Manager; Intrepid Reporter; IT Guy; Coffee Girl
email: fwepub@aol.com
MOTTO: When telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
All editorial All social commentary All for the common good
Issue Number 37 – August 30, 2020
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Recently City Councilman Dennis Slattery’s sent me a disapproving email about:
A. Trying to “own” a candidate with a political donation;
B. Not sticking to “facts” as he sees them makes me like the Orange Menace in the White House.
First, I must repeat myself. What I write is satire. And like Rich Rosenthal, Slattery has no idea what it is.
He could have checked with Ashland’s illustrious (and overpaid) City Attorney, David Lohman, who should have been able to tell him that satire is the most protected form of speech under the First Amendment.
But Lohman doesn’t even know that retaliating against a whistleblower is a violation of federal law, the Whistleblower Protection Act. That law was passed in 1989, so perhaps Lohman has been too busy (napping?) since then to give it a reading. (And how much did that incompetence cost the City of Ashland taxpayers? A lot.)
For the record, another definition of satire from the New Oxford American Dictionary:
“The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.”
Again, satire is a very effective form of speaking truth to power.
How effective is it? Just ask Plato–who said that Aristophanes play, The Clouds, was so powerful in its condemnation of Socrates that Plato thinks it was responsible for the whole hemlock drinking episode and Socrates’ demise. YIKES!
Aristophanes’ hey-day was roughly 400 BC. If satire were a crummy form of communication, it would NOT have lasted 2600 years and counting.
Popular satirists today are Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah, Samantha Bee, John Oliver, Sarah Silverman, Seth Myers. Their humor makes a point. They make people laugh. Like when John Oliver called POTUS a “sentient circus peanut.” BTW, that’s funny.
Slattery’s evil twin brother, Karl Rove, told me Slattery’s favorite comedian is Jim Gaffigan, who 98% of America thinks is so not funny. The other 2% are the semi-comatose folks plopped on the couch waiting to watch The Lawrence Welk Show.
I could tell Slattery to read Judy Gold’s new book: Yes, I Can Say That: When They Come for the Comedians We Are All in Trouble. (Day Street Books, July 2020)
Somehow I don’t think that will happen–a book written by a woman and suggested by a woman….
Speaking of women, Rove bragged to me that he was their mother’s favorite, not Li’l Den-Den (family nickname). Which continues to aggravate him to this day and provides the genesis of his “I’m not listening to a female voice” disposition.
To recap: Satire is essential in a free society.
Another example of Slattery’s foolish talking in his email was stating that my writing should be an “unbiased source of information.” The Outlandia Gazette is not the New York Times for cryin’ out loud! Although I appreciate the comparison.
Slattery obviously didn’t read the masthead: All editorial. All social commentary. All for the common good.
Slattery compared me to President Pinesol saying he and I “just need to throw it out there and pretend it is facts.”
I would call that a fact that Slattery can’t tell the difference between a fact and an opinion.
President Tweet Twit has a sworn responsibility to uphold the U.S. Constitution and a moral obligation to the welfare of the American people. That requires being factual.
I write satire.
Just like oranges and raspberries–and like trying to compare Graham Crackers and saltine crackers: Not the same thing.
On the other hand, a comparison of Ashland Bu Bu’s (Slattery, Rosenthal, Stromberg, etc.) to the Liar In Chief is more applicable with this quote from Maureen Dowd, NY Times columnist when she said (8/16/2020):
President Trump represents the last primal shriek of retrograde white men afraid to lose their power…dismissing women who challenge (them) as nasty, angry, crazy.”
And in my case with Slattery and Rosenthal, dismissed with allegations of being a “big money donor” to “own” someone; being a “low operator;” being a racist. Just foolish talking.
Slattery’s accusations say more about him than it does about me–insinuating my donations come with a quid pro quo, like:
“I give you money, you better install Charmin UltraSoft in the Lithia Park restrooms–or else!”
That’s cynical thinking.
Slattery’s said:
“The fact that you ‘own’ a candidate will be well established.”
Oh brother. That sentence is not a fact. It is an opinion. One of the many goofs that put Slattery squarely into Category 1 and 2 in the Graham Cracker Syndrome.
I make political donations all the time at all levels of the electoral government. Saying Ashlanders can be bought or “owned” is a derogatory comment about their ability to make up their own minds.
It’s not surprising that Slattery, Rosenthal, and Tonya Graham think $2,000 constitutes a “big money” donation. If they were better politicians, they would have inspired larger donations themselves. Or perhaps if they are impressed with that sum of money, maybe they should get a better job with a bigger paycheck.
I do not hoard money. I do not worship money. I do not give away money as some sort of devious plot to hustle up leverage over others.
There is a difference between a bribe and generosity of spirit.
Slattery claimed I “misuse words.” How ironic then when he called my writing “dribble” — which is what an NBA player does. Or what mouth-breathers do when they can’t keep saliva in their mouths.
I believe the word he was searching for was “drivel.” Yeesh.
All of my words are carefully chosen. All of my sentences are deliberate.
You don’t have to like them. But you do have to agree with my right to say them. Check out the First Amendment. (But don’t go to David Lohman for an explanation.)
Slattery stated he has been a volunteer for decades. That’s nice. But that’s not the subject of my satire. Which is instead about his job performance as a city councilperson–his actions; his votes; his letters in The Tidings. Doing a lot of volunteer work does not give you a free pass for a dismal job performance.
This is the Outlandia Gazette’s 37th issue. Probably 30 of the issues are devoted to commentary on the poor-quality government and management in City Hall that has led Ashland astray. City Hall was notified about each and every one of them. I guess Slattery has been too busy volunteering to have read them.
Slattery also said, “I won’t play your silly ‘bait from a distance’ campaign…” BLAH BLAH BLAH … “I’d love to chat over a cup of coffee.”
My thought: Egads! How dreadful! My brain would implode!
Slattery did not offer to treat. I think it is poor taste to set up an unpleasant social interaction if you cannot at least spring for the few bucks to pay for a cup of coffee (and don’t forget a big tip). Or maybe since he thinks I’m such a ‘big money donor’ that I would pay for him?!
Either way, I don’t hang out with cheapskates. Or wankers.
Slattery said he has done the coffee thing with Ashland peeps before.
Bet I can out-coffee him. Here’s my coffee-slinging story:
Pre-Covid I took many OLLI classes for years. I always sat in the back row. From that vantage point I could see that sometimes students wouldn’t or couldn’t pay attention. Like the reason they were there was as one student told me, “My wife drops me off here just to get me out of the house.”
I observed some students who had dropped their chins to their chests and were sleeping!
I thought the classroom learning experience would improve with a proven method: a caffeine buzz and a sugar rush.
I started a new hobby–The Cookie and Coffee Lady–when I started schlepping pots of coffee and snacks to OLLI classes. I provided a dandy set-up, serving piping-hot, delish java–like Mary’s Morning roast from GoodBeans in Jacksonville.
I would have to arrive 30 minutes before class to lug all my stuff (from wherever I was lucky enough to find a parking spot) to set up the spread with pretty serving plates and fancy napkins from Paddington Station. Every week I brought organic Half-n-Half; organic non-dairy creamer; an assortment of Market of Choice bakery treats, cheesey bread sticks, croissants; gluten-free/vegan/low-sugar biscotti from the Paradise Cafe (before they closed up shop); lots of tasty cookies and brownie bites from Shop-n-Cart; and donuts for the baseball class.
The coffee pots I brought held 22 cups each. Multiply that by two pots. Multiply that by week after week. Multiply that by class after class.
I figure I have provided well over 500 cups of coffee to Ashlanders. That’s a whole lot of coffee slinging!
Can you top that, Li’l Den-Den?
I have no idea how much money I have spent on coffee and snacks for OLLI classes. How much time I spent grocery shopping; brewing; setting up; cleaning up. Doesn’t matter. Other than to tell the tale to provide another example of a generous personality. Not a personality of buying coffee in order to get something in return.
As far as a coffee klatsch goes, it is not a matter of whether or not I “have the guts” to meet Slattery as he has tried to goad me in some weird socially-retarded kind of way.
Li’l Den-Den, you have no idea. When you operate a biz in a highly-competitive/highly regulated industry in a Shangri-la called Silicon Valley, that requires more guts and more balls than Santa Claus has presents. Or brain cells.
I have no appetite to engage in a social outing that would require me to carry a barf bag.
No interest in chatting with someone I do not respect.
Therefore, that would be a NO.
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P.S. Even coffee doesn’t want to have coffee with Dennis Slattery.
Is that a “fact”?
No, that’s satire.