Toni Buckley Dockter – Founder; Publisher; Editor-in-Chief; Distribution Manager; Intrepid Reporter; IT Guy; Coffee Girl
email: fwepub@aol.com www.fuchsiawoman.com/blog
MOTTO: When telling the truth is a revolutionary act.
All editorial All social commentary All for the common good
Issue Number 51 July 2021
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“Art can and should take liberties and interpret human experience in different ways, even if those interpretations make us uncomfortable.” – Roxanne Gay
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Catching up from a previous Outlandia Gazette article (last December) to answer a much-asked question: No, former City Councilman Rich Rosenthal did NOT score a date with one of his co-workers from the Rogue County Fair — the fair-of-face Lucille, the organ grinder’s monkey. (She suggested he lower his expectations from vertebrates to invertebrates.)
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Part 2 of the Ashland Papers – compiled by Chainy Link, resident of Railroad Park
A preface from Mr. Link:
On June 29, 2021 in Ashland, Oregon, an Insurrection attempt was waged–not unlike the terror show on January 6, 2021 at the U.S. Capitol. In both places laws were broken. People were attacked. Democracy came under siege.
This extreme episode was so grave a matter to Ashland’s existence, I felt divine intervention was needed–to provide course correction of the highest magnitude. I knew the perfect deity to call upon to restore Ashland: my good friend and close confidant, Athena of Olympus, Goddess of Wisdom.
She reluctantly descended from the Mount to launch an investigation–to get the lay of the land and lay a finger on the problem.
Here is her report. Take it way, Athenie!
Chainy ol’ pal,
Just so you know, you’re the only mortal I would get off my throne and travel across time for. For those who are not familiar with my essence, yes, I am the Goddess of Wisdom. I am also the Goddess of Courage; Inspiration; Civilization; Law and Justice; Mathematics; Strength; Heroic Endeavor; Arts and Crafts; and important to this situation: Goddess of Strategic Warfare. I do not wage battle unless it is for a just cause. And I believe this is the case in Ashland.
There are 195 countries on Earth. I have to keep an eye on 194 of them to prevent further devolution. (Thankfully there is one I don’t have to worry about: Iceland.)
Ashland, Oregon warrants my concern because a Culture War is underway. I believe it has created epic ugliness so dangerous as to threaten the City’s way of life forever.
The ugly Culture War is a product of unwarranted animosity generated by one ruling/political faction perpetrated against another–for no other reason than to preserve their power base.
This offensive faction is an old thinking group of good-ol’-white-boy types–including the wimpy women who support them. This group represents a regressive, suppressive, oppressive, secretive, haughty form of government. They rail against anyone or anything that threatens their status quo.
The maligned faction is a new thinking collaboration–including elected officials and average citizens. As the normal intelligent folks in Ashland, they are eager for a progressive, fiscally-responsible, accountable, transparent, equitable, inclusive form of government.
The primary members of the Old Guard are Councilors Steven Jensen, Tonya Graham, Steffi Seffinger, and Paula Hyatt. Among the four, not one bone of competent or innovative civic government could be found. They only possess bones of contention.
In addition, my investigation found that the four Old Guard politicians have also been called “Team Tonya” and “The Filthy Four”–due to their mud-slinging and use of dirty tricks: petty, vindictive, defamatory, deceptive, shabby, greedy, mean-spirited, and self-serving actions.
As the Goddess of Wisdom, my sage advice to the Old Guard—Steven Jensen, Tonya Graham, Steffi Seffinger, and Paula Hyatt: !Cease your ugly behavior!
Because ugly is bad for democracy. Ugly is bad for business. And Ashland will not survive your ugliness.
Ashland has earned a positive reputation. It prides itself on being:
– a welcoming town;
– an international city of peace;
– a progressive community.
These taglines feed the marketing strategy (of City Hall; Chamber of Commerce; Travel Ashland; Travel Oregon) to pump up Ashland’s number one revenue-producing industry: tourism.
Ugly conduct by elected or City Hall officials does not present a friendly image to prospective customers. How long can this behavior continue until Ashland’s perceived positive personae veers to the negative?
Who wants to visit a town where you think you’re going to a wine zone and you end up in a war zone? That’s what Iraq, Afghanistan, and Somalia are for.
“Welcome to Ashland, Oregon. Don’t forget your body armor!” is not a welcoming slogan.
I know from thousands of years of experience watching mankind try to annihilate each other that war is ugly. And ugly is bad for business.
So it was heartening to see that in May an ordinance was passed unanimously by the city council to ensure elected officials were civil to each other in public.
How long did this legislative gesture of goodwill last to induce Ashland politicians not to pummel each other in public? Six weeks.
On June 29, 2021, all hell broke loose. A particularly devious kind of hell — and I should know. My uncle is Hades, God of the Underworld.
I have heard countless horrifying stories about hell–especially every Thanksgiving at the Olympian dinner table. Uncle Hades would be impressed with the sinister stylings of the Old Guard: Steven Jensen, Tonya, Graham, Steffi Seffinger, and Paula Hyatt.
In this city council meeting, what evil forces overtook Councilor Paula Hyatt to introduce an illegal motion, which permitted two councilors to read prepared statements AFTER the agenda had already been set?
Likewise, what evil forces enveloped Councilors Steven Jensen and Tonya Graham who smugly read their vicious-n-vile diatribes–attacking the rightfully-elected Mayor with falsehoods and hate speech–violating the “be nice in public” law. Definitely ugly.
But according to the Old Guard, ugly is OK as long as they originate it and the laws don’t apply to them? The crisis and chaos in city government emanates strictly from the Old Guard Bumbling Bureaucrats (BuBu’s) and no one else. It is laid squarely on their shoulders and not at anyone else’s feet.
I wondered what kind of malicious premeditated conspiracy had been hatched? Whose idea was it? Who was involved? Who provided snacks and booze at the clandestine meetings? Were these refreshments billed to the taxpayers?
I did a quick google search and then it all made sense to me.
The introduction of ugliness into Ashland’s political scene can be traced directly to the hideous handiwork of one individual: Eris.
Eris: The Goddess of Strife and Discord; Chaos and Quarrels. The progenitor of everything unpleasant under the sun and moon. One of the nastiest nymphets to walk the Earth. Taught Medusa how to braid her hair with snakes. Eris loves war. Loves bloodshed, like the Trojan War, which she instigated. Loves to start trouble of the deadly kind, especially between family and friends.
Currently Eris is the mascot for Internet trolls. They adore her.
Eris hails from a long line of familial awfulness:
Daughter of Nyx – queen of the darkest night;
Sister of Oizys – primoridal goddess of misery.
Mother of 15 horrible children, including:
- The Algea – Greek spirits of pain and suffering;
- Psuedea – the goddess of lies;
- Dysnomia – the demon of lawlessness;
- Limos – goddess of hunger, starvation, and famine;
- The Phonoi – ghastly-faced male personifications of murder.
That’s one demented family tree!
Fast forward several hundred generations and I have detected a direct descent of Eris living and working in Ashland: Cathy Shaw. AKA Villainess de Ville–the Puppet Master. Her close-up is scarier than Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard. As a former failed Mayor of Ashland, she did not believe in public service. She believed the public should serve her. And continue to do so even now.
Currently she is a professional antagonizer–fabricating crap on NextDoor and egging on her grotesque groupies–the Adams Gadflies (Linda and Melisa). She’s a real piece of Shawshit Unredemption.
Shaw appears to have been most influenced by another of Eris’ daughters: Aite’, the goddess of delusion, rash action, blind folly, and reckless impulse that leads men down the path of ruin.
So what were the Old Guard thinking when they formed an unholy alliance with the Villainess de Ville and agreed to launch Ashland’s most horrendous crime of the century?
On June 29, 2021 Councilors Steven Jensen, Tonya Graham, Steffi Seffinger, and Paula Hyatt tried to ignite an Insurrection–without regard to the will of the citizens they took an oath to serve. Without regard for Ashland’s guiding principles of being a welcoming, peaceful, friendly town.
An Insurrection is a form of domestic terrorism. Bad for democracy. Bad for business.
What was the Old Guard goal? To terrorize the New Guard? To make someone cry? To generate a mass resignation? To look like tough guys on the outside when everyone knows they are cowardly worms on the inside?
Their plan was not well thought out. Did they think this stunt would work? It made no sense in terms of garnering public support. What is to be gained by spouting spittle; spewing sputum; spreading spite?
The only conclusion is that Steven Jensen, Tonya Graham, Steffi Seffinger, and Paula Hyatt are as dumb as they are hateful.
In a subsequent city council meeting (7/20/2021) an Ashland Citizen asked Councilors Steven Jensen and Tonya Graham to apologize for their disgusting behavior during the Insurrection. Again, due to their lack of brain cells and integrity, the councilors just sat there like ego-bloated gargoyles, channeling Eris.
Arrogance seeped out their pores.
Contempt dripped down their heads.
Daggers darted from their eyes.
Self-importance clouded their countenance.
What did Councilors Steven Jensen and Tonya Graham look like to the average viewer watching at home on the government channel on cable TV?
Ugly. Really ugly.
Here’s the low down from on high to you, Councilors Steven Jensen, Tonya Graham, Steffi Seffinger, and Paula Hyatt.
You are fools to be influenced by a disgruntled has-been politician who herself has been influenced by her skanky DNA relative, Eris. If you take orders from someone who believes morality is not a guiding force in the Universe, you will wind up with a wretched life.
Eris is a minor player in the Halls of Olympus and no match for me. Neither are you, Councilors Steven Jensen, Tonya Graham, Steffi Seffinger, and Paula Hyatt.
I am a Major Goddess and champion of warfare for just causes. I can outwit you and out battle you with the slightest of effort.
I have a magical spear that can turn an adversary into any crawly creature I choose–like a spider or a cockroach. Do you have a preference?
I am the favorite child of Zeus, the most powerful God ever to rule Heaven & Earth. Daddy’s Little Girl can borrow his thunderbolts any time she wants.
My BFF is Nike, Goddess of Victory. We make a formidable team.
I helped Heracles (Hercules to some) and Perseus slay monsters. You are but specks of annoying protoplasm compared to them.
My little brother is Dionysus, God of Wine. You cannot get by in life without him. Cheers to In vino veritas.
I am revered and respected–a symbol of freedom and democracy. You cannot say the same.
I am the Goddess of Wisdom. None of you Old Guard have enough common sense to properly serve the citizens of Ashland. If you had, you would not have behaved so crookedly in civic life or allowed yourselves to be manipulated by a Puppet Master.
Steven Jensen, Tonya Graham, Steffi Seffinger, Paula Hyatt: You have all successfully sunk your own political and career aspirations by creating enough ugly, negative energy to sink Ashland. How do I know this? The Fates told me. But aside from that, it’s common sense.
Do you think people are not paying attention? (Former Vintage Old Guard Councilman Dennis Slattery once told a neophyte councilor that he could do anything he wanted on city council. Because people won’t know and don’t care to know. Here’s what we do know: Dennis Slattery is as sharp as a bowling ball.)
Steven Jensen: Your illustrious dream of rising to the position of Vice-Principal at a Jr. High School is over. An adolescent mentality does not mean a good fit. Climate change will take care of your water-wrangling business. You are a tiny man in every sense of the word, thought, and deed. Your toxic personality is as large as you are small. (Speaking of small, you left your Fisher-Price “extra bouncy” booster seat at the last council meeting. Adam Hanks has it under lock and key. He knows how vital it is to you.)
Tonya Graham: Your gobbledygook emails to avoid telling the truth to citizens is legendary. You will never be elected Mayor. You will never be elected to Senator Jeff Golden’s seat in Salem. You will never be elected to Commissioner of Jackson County. Your mendacity and sneakiness precede you wherever you go. That includes the business world, too. Your pretend concern for Ashland is a joke–but so not funny. You’ve always been about what’s best for Tonya.
Stuffi Seffinger: Your shelf life expired many years ago–right after your turncoat performance bashing a respected City Hall Employee (Senior Center Manager–to jog your memory) that you had previously highly praised in an online video. Your legacy will be bad-mouthing the City to a recruiting firm and telling them NOT to do business with Ashland. Then discussing your duplicity on a hot mic at a city council meeting. Your glass-blowing glory days are over, too–except for the part about blowing hot air. No one buys “art” from a dishonest artist.
Paula Hyatt: Based on your propensity toward the unethical, you will never be elected Mayor. You ran on fiscal responsibility and then voted every time against that concept. You attended business school but obviously slept through the organizational management class on the dangers of Group Think. You turned to the dark side of politics faster than anyone in the history of Ashland. You will never even be elected as chair monitor at a local PTA meeting.
To Steven Jensen, Tonya Graham, Steffi Seffinger, Paula Hyatt: Where do you think all your ugly energy goes? Do you think it dissipates in the air? Drifts into the sky? Disappears from the atmosphere?
It doesn’t go anywhere. It forms a cloud that hovers over Ashland–then drips, drizzles, and dumps on people below–creating a bad vibe; a negative feeling; an unwelcoming environment.
Do you think Ashland citizens and visitors don’t notice?
Every time you engage in personal attacks and hate speech, the town becomes drenched in ugliness, which is bad for business. Because who wants to get that stank on them?
Who would want to visit the shops, restaurants, and cultural events here?
Who would want to vacation here?
Who would want to start a small business here?
Who would want to raise a family here?
Who would want to call this place home?
Ashland is moving forward–not back into the Dark Ages of hostile, corrupt government. The Old Guard does not belong in Ashland. It does not belong in polite society. Period.
However, my Uncle Hades proclaims the Old Guard is perfect for permanent residency in the underworld. In fact, he says he’s saving a special hot spot for them (and Ms. Shawshit, too) in a particularly hellish location.
For those involved in wicked ways, meet your new neighbor, Cerberus–the three-headed hound of Hades. Best not to complain about the barking.
I, Athena, Goddess of Wisdom and a bunch of other cool things, proclaim that Councilors Steven Jensen, Tonya Graham, Steffi Seffinger, and Paula Hyatt do not deserve their position of trust in Ashland.
They do not deserve a spot on the roster of decent human beings if they can’t even say hello to fellow council persons with whom they disagree. If they don’t extend common courtesy, they don’t deserve it in return.
Instead, Councilors Steven Jensen, Tonya Graham, Steffi Seffinger, and Paula Hyatt deserve to be shamed, ridiculed, and sanctioned. I’ve done my job on the first two. The rest is up to Ashland.
I will be watching. Have spear. Will travel.
But never forget: The pen is mightier than the sword.
Off to find Dionysus!
XOXO,
Athenie
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Response from Chainy Link: WHEW. It’s nice to have friends in high places! I recently noticed a repercussion from ugly behavior that had been practiced for years at City Hall–including cultivating a Mafia-ish work environment; losing several lawsuits against the City; coaching city staff to untruthfully disparage plaintiffs; and pissing off the ACLU.
A retirement dinner was organized at a fancy restaurant for former City Attorney David Lohman. After twelve years on the job, he couldn’t entice half a dozen people in the entire town to dine with him.
Hope the taxpayers didn’t have to foot the bill for that sad soiree.
See ya next time. In the meantime, if you visit The Fence, stop by and say hello.
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Note from the Publisher: Part 3 of the Ashland Papers will be Profiles in Ugliness – Part II. So many more current and former BuBu’s to expose–with the hopes of getting their ugliness as far away from Ashland as possible. Because what is ugly? Say it with me, “It’s BAD FOR BUSINESS!”
Stay tuned…
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